There’s an issue at work.

I’m not sure how to address it so after thinking long and hard, I decided the answer was to write about it.

It’s the toilets. The female toilets. I know, when I first said that you were thinking I’d been sneaking into the men’s again.

Anyway, a few weeks ago I went into the bathrooms at my place of work where there are four female toilets located. For the sake of this we will call them toilets 1, 2, 3 and 4.

Toilet 1 is situated right behind the door that opens up to let you into the toilet block, so isn’t used by many people due to inconvenience, obviously. Toilet 2 has a dodgy light so for those of us fearing a flickering beam, it’s a second choice. Toilet three is most often engaged and using toilet four looks like you’re hiding something.

On this particular day all toilets were empty so I had my pick of the bunch. I selected number 3. I walked in, and immediately walked out. There were what I shall only describe as ‘leftovers’. I then went into toilet 2. Not even the dodgy light could hide the state of this loo. Wrappers and toilet paper covered the floor and there were droplets of you-know-what on the seat. Seriously, are you marking your territory? Toilet 4 was next. Now here’s where it gets strange. The toilet had clearly been used because there was wees in the loo. However, despite there being ample toilet paper there was none in the bowl. WHAT?! WHO THE HELL IS USING THESE TOILETS? Either we’ve got someone who’s a little confused, a chronic environmentalist or someone who doesn’t understand that flush is not just a gambling term.

Since then there’s been one disaster after another and I no longer feel safe going to the loo at work. Let alone the fact that when I do go, I have to resist the urge to tell everyone on the way out that I wasn’t responsible for any of the carry on in there, especially not the hair. Don’t ask.

Ok, I’ll tell you but only because you asked. There has been TWO occasions so far where nasty hair has been left on the seat. ARE YOU PULLING IT OUT? How the hell does it end up there? It’s just awkward and weird and I feel like no-one needs to be part of that.

What strikes me most is I work in a corporate office, with grown women. Do they do this in their own bathrooms?

It’s got to the point where I think it would be safer using the men’s, or even the public food court one downstairs. I know, surely that is the last resort.

So I’m leaving this one with you guys. What do I do? Put up a sign saying ‘ladies, are you kidding me?’ or potentially cause some form of internal damage and just not go at all?