I am literally in the process of an evacuation.

I won’t go into too much detail, but I think it’s an important step in the “getting to know you” phase.

I’m undergoing an evacuation . . . of the body. 

Now, in recent months I’ve become one of those crazies who claims to be allergic to almost everything.

I have become the soy milk loving, gluten free, fructose intolerant nut-job I’ve always hated.

Well guess what people?

It’s fo’ real. They aren’t making that shit up.

Being on the receiving end of it I can tell you, is a whole different ball game.

Take for instance breakfast.

The first meal of the day is my fav and on weekends it’s Mr Knees job to feed me.

We went down to our local cafe on the weekend and what took place I can only describe as a f**king nightmare.

‘Hmm, I’ll have the porridge, no wait, it’s got milk and raspberries’ (those sweet little suckers are full of fructose). Umm, oh yea I’ll have the avocado smash, no wait, it’s got feta, and chilli, and do you guys do gluten free?’

SERIOUSLY.

And that was after I’d walked in and been one of those smug soy latte losers (sorry to those of you forced to drink that sticky bean juice).

It’s safe to say I won’t be going back there for a while, it took the poor dude serving us seven times before we were ready to order.

‘Ah, I’ll just have some air thanks’.

Anyway, doc says we’ve got an issue. So we’re partaking in this evacuation process to see what little gremlins are have having a wee party with my insides.

So far I’m one round of “digestion liquid” down with just two more to go.

Let the weight loss begin.