Guess who’s back, back again

Me harbouring a cauliflower...
Me harbouring a cauliflower…

Holy guacamole, it’s been months, MONTHS since I attempted to entertain you all with my ramblings.

And while I apologise profusely, there is a fairly good reason for this slack behaviour.

It’s because of a cauliflower*.

There is a cauliflower living inside me. It also goes by the name, at this stage, of Baby Knees.

That’s right peeps, you heard it here first, there is a new beginning forming, I have indeed become a vessel of life.

But, before we go into all that – I must tell you how it came about – no, not those details, the evening our lives changed forever…dun dun dah!

It was a Monday evening and I had spent the weekend feeling miserable. Mr Knees and I had been to a friend’s house for dinner of the Saturday night and upon arriving home I found myself with my head in the toilet believing those so called “friends” had tried to take me out.

The following morning I was better, but oh so tired. I even had a nana nap in the afternoon.

So when Monday rolled around and I was desperate for some Macaroni Cheese I didn’t think anything of it, naturally.

However, when it came time to eat the deliciousness I had created, it was back to the bathroom.

It was at that stage Mr Knees and I started to make nervous jokes about being ‘pending arrivals’ and what awesome parents we would make…

I suggested that perhaps he swing by the supermarket and pick up a preggo test, just so we could rule it out and carry on with eating, or rather not eating, dinner.

It’s at this point I should tell you Mr Knees was getting ready for his weekly NBA performance and I was hastily doing dishes so I could finally relax for the evening.

But upon returning to the bathroom, that was not about to happen.

There was the usual dark pink line which indicates you are ‘in the safe’ zone, but next to it appeared to be another pretty pink line.

Um, what?

Two lines. TWO LINES. TWO LINES HOLY SHIT SOMEONE, ANYONE, HELP.

I slowly walked into the lounge.

Me: Um…

Mr Knees: F**k off (staring at me in disbelief)

Me: I don’t know what is happening; you need to help (while pulling at hair, with tears in eyes)

Back to the bathroom we go, he’s got the stick, I’ve got the test info sheet and both of us are just looking from one to the other.

Mr Knees: I’ve got to go to basketball.

Me: We need more tests

Mr Knees: I’ve got to go to basketball.

Me: Bring tests, brings lots of tests, bring the most tests you can find.

He returned with a full bag of tests, upending it on the bed while complaining that he’d just spend $50 on f**king wee sticks.

All seven tests came back positive, one even said PREGNANT.

Jesus.

You’d think after all that we’d have believed it, but not even after the doctor rang to confirm two days later did we believe this was legit.

It wasn’t till we saw that little bean on the screen with its legs crossed and arms under its head, just like dad, did we think – woah, we made a babe.

So, there you have it peeps, Mr Knees and I are due to welcome our little bundle of fun in April.

 

*I’m 25 weeks preggo and this week the babe is the size of a cauliflower!

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