The mummahood

 

So, it’s safe to say I basically disappeared off the face of the earth. Legit, that’s almost what it feels like has happened.

But fear not – I have a solid reason for going missing – well two actually.

I took a wee break to co-produce a couple of small legends and that shit is time consuming.

Then what happened is I felt like, oh man, now I’ve had babies and no-one wants to read about that…ha! Turns out I was WRONG. Yip, you’ve ben asking so here it is ladies and gentlemen – another mummy blog.

BUT – before you stop reading and say “f**k this shit, Mrs Knees has gone to the dark side and is trying to make some sweet moolah off her freaking gorgeous children”, I assure you this is merely an outlet to reduce what I would imagine to be enormous therapy bills. Also, I have another job to pay all my bills– hurrah!

However, I realised I would like to feature these two small friends and the strange and psychopathic things they get up to every now and then.

Jokes aside though, I’ve had two beautiful boys (Teddy, 3, and Beau, eight months) and they are a laugh a minute, so I thought ‘hey, let’s share this hilarity with the world’. This will be motherhood in all its honesty – the good, the bad and the even worse. But mostly, just a laugh and an outlet to let all you other mumma’s and dadda’s that you’re not alone – when your three year old tells you ‘f**k off’ followed by the fact he ‘loves you the most’, it’s totes normal.

And for those of you who don’t have babes, or just don’t want to read about them, I will from time to time post about real people stuff, just to keep you on your toes.

 

 

Advertisements

A great day for a laugh

joke

So my dad calls me the other day and we got talking about his terrible jokes, I’m pretty sure I had said something about being hungry and he was like ‘oh hi hungry I’m dad’…yip, cringe, you know the one.

Anyway, what followed was this.

Dad: Why did Lucy fall off the swing?

Me: Because she had no arms. Dad, everyone knows that joke.

Dad: Ok, ok, I’ve got another one. Knock knock

Me: Who’s there?

Dad: Not Lucy.

I was hysterical. Why? I really don’t know, I guess I just wasn’t expecting it.

So I decided to ask my mum what her favourite joke was.

Her reply?

What’s an Irishman with a sugar cube on his head?

Sweet f**k all.

So there you have it folks, the reason my parents live apart.

I don’t have a favourite joke, but I really, really love other people’s jokes. I find it much easier to hear them, learn them and then tell them to other people all while pretending they’re my own. I feel like that’s completely ok.

With the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in full swing, I would love to know – what’s your favourite joke?

Here’s a few to get you started:

Why doesn’t Stevie Wonder see his mates anymore?

He’s married.

What happened to the peanut when he crossed the road?

He was a-salted.

Why does Beyonce sing to the left to the left?

Because black people have no rights.

 

Please note I am not a racist, I just find racist jokes hilarious.