Exercise overkill

Gym meme

It’s highly possible I’ve been hit by a truck.

This was my first thought Thursday morning as I awoke from my slumber, feeling as though I was stapled to the bed. I threw back the duvet cover and thought ‘brilliant, my arms still work’, but when it came to moving my legs it just wasn’t going to happen. I quite literally had to hold onto the side on the bed base and lift myself to an upright position.

I stood up, and it was worse than I thought.

I then spent the rest of the day wincing when attempting to sit on the loo and just generally trying to not stand up once I’d sat down. I dropped my hair tie on the ground and opted to leave it there. The pain of bending down just wasn’t worth it. Hair down it was.

You see what had happened was this: Pump and Yoga . . . in the same day.

Mr Knees and I have recently returned from vacation (I do apologise for the lack of posts in the past month, we were super busy gallivanting across Europe and eating and drinking our body weight in cake and beer).

So, upon returning home I decided serious action was needed to make up for said uncontrollable eating.

First things first, food. I went straight to the supermarket and only bought salad ingredients. Perfect. I even went as far as looking in other people’s baskets and then back at my own and smirking at them. What a jerk.

I ate salad that whole week. Yes way. The weekend however, was a slightly different story. We won’t go into that.

Then last week I thought ‘right, it’s time to reintroduce exercise’.

So I started with a walk home. A casual 7.5kms, felt pretty good the next day so said yes to lunch-time pump at the gym across the road with one of my girlfriends from work. I played it cool, selecting the lightest weights, knowing I was likely to die during this class. I didn’t die. But by God those muscles were moved. There is no way I did not burn some serious calories. We did 5000 squats and several hundred lunges, followed by arms, abs, or in my case flabs, and all the other food groups, opps muscle groups too.

I left there feeling great, energised and ready to take on the world. I had semi-forgotten I had planned another date that night, yoga with another GF. But it was all good, endorphins had kicked in and I was going to SMASH IT.

I definitely did not smash it. I kind of just whined and faked my way through it, commenting at one point that I thought I might have broken my special parts and perhaps this was the worst day of my life.

I limped home, had a nice hot shower and called it a day.

So there you have it, how not to exercise.

But, there is a silver-lining. I now don’t have to do any exercise because I’m still learning to walk again.


The aftermath

This is us in out usual attire, getting ready to double bounce some kids.
This is us in our usual attire, getting ready to double bounce some kids
White chocolate mudcake goodness with special silver balls - THAT'S how much I'm loved
White chocolate mudcake goodness with special silver balls – THAT’S how much I’m loved

I’ve put on two kilos. TWO KILOS PEOPLE.

While this is immensely upsetting, it also provides me, and you, the evidence needed to prove my birthday weekend was a success. Friday, the day of birth, was brilliant. It started with Lindt balls in bed followed by a number of presents opened, all of which were to my liking.

I had no issues with my chosen outfit and my hair played ball – so all in all by the time I arrived at work I was feeling good. Now, I’m not sure if the workmates read the blog or just happened to be in a good mood because it was the last day of the working week, but everyone seemed pumped it was my special day. Come to think of it, they were probably just excited about the impending cake.

We went out for lunch, followed by an assortment of cakes by my very talented work girls, and I received a steady flow of phone calls.

BUT, all day I couldn’t stop thinking about the evenings surprise. I was certain Mr Knees was going to take me ice-skating. Oh how wrong I was.

About 14 of us twenty somethings rocked up to Bounce Inc – a giant indoor trampoline park in Glen Iris.

I have almost never had so much fun in my life. Adulthood was abruptly thrown out the door as we raced around playing dodge-ball, basketball, attempting flips and just ‘free jumping’. We had a handful of injuries within the first ten minutes, but we proved age doesn’t matter and battled on. The evening was finished at the pub, a great end to what was truly a great day.

But reality’s a bitch and now I have to somehow attempt to drop this excess weight before one of the girlfriends weddings in two weeks. I do not want to be the chubster in the photos. So, I am going to eat the ice-cream Mr Knees just bought because I hate waste, and then its upwards and onwards into a world of eating air.

A day never to be repeated, sadly

Never to be repeated Yo-Chi tasted extra delish tonight. The next time I eat it I will be old...er.
Never to be repeated Yo-Chi tasted extra delish tonight. The next time I eat it I will be old…er.

Tonight I had Yo-Chi for the last time at age 26.

Tomorrow is my birthday. So, from 8.32am (the time I popped out all those years ago) and for the next 12 months every time I do anything I will be 27. But I feel ok about this.

I’m pretty big on birthdays, that’s probably an understatement. I feel that the week prior to a birthday is the lead up, and so a count down to the day must ensue, and the weekend after your birthday is classified as your birthday weekend. Anyone who disputes this should probably just drop off my presents and then stay away from my life.

My parents have both provided me with said countdown, and the mother-in-law has jumped in on the action the past two days – so it’s really started heating up.

I’m also a firm believer that you must not, under any circumstances, open birthday presents or cards before the actual day. I have spent the past week and a half scanning the post to ensure all non-identifiable mail has been put aside in the ‘birthday pile’. It’s just not worth the risk.

Husbo has something planned, he’s been nattering to a few friends and they have a wee surprise for me. I probably won’t sleep tonight due to too much excitement.

Tonight, I have cleaned the house, been for a walk and begun beauty preparations for the big day. I was in the car earlier coming back from Yo-Chi and Mr Knees said ‘why are you in a hurry?’ and I said ‘because I need to get home and wash my hair, shave my legs and paint my nails’. He then asked me why and I said ‘because tomorrow everyone will be looking at me’, then he just stared at me with his mouth open a bit and said “you are mental” and stopped talking to me. I don’t think I am.

Tomorrow I will eat cake for breakfast, cake for morning tea and I’ll go out for lunch. I’ll probably have cake for afternoon tea, a gin and tonic with the work girls and then my surprise will start. But it’s ok, because calories don’t count on your birthday. I’m also pumped about opening presents in the morning, Mr Knees will have to wake up five minutes earlier to collect them all and bring them into me while I open them one by one without tearing the paper. I can’t wait.

Also, I have a confession. I lied earlier about shaving my legs. I decided to do it in the morning because they’ll be fresher.